I’m so grateful for this new year and a fresh start! I’ve pretty much disappeared from blogging and really haven’t posted that much within the past year. But, there’s a reason…a very sad reason. I am completely apprehensive and terrified to share this, but here goes nothing…
As much as I’d like life to be the blue skies and sunshine I tend to portray in my photos, it just isn’t all the time. 2017 started off with a very sad, unexpected, gut-wrenching, and completely heartbreaking bang! I guess life doesn’t always turn out the way you planned or hoped for. Sometimes you’re thrown a curve ball and placed into a situation you never imagined you’d in. Divorce was never an option for me, until the day (a year ago exactly today) my now ex-husband said that he thought it was our only option.
I had the life I always wanted. The husband. The kids. The house. The dog. Everything seemed right where I wanted it to be…white-picketed-fence-style-life. Sadly, it just wasn’t the life he wanted. From an outsider’s perspective we must have looked happy. Embarrassingly, I actually kind of thought we were. Well, definitely not the happiest of married couples, but we were in the toughest years of our lives, raising two very young children (a 2-year old, and 7 month old) – well, that’s what I chalked it up to at least. So, I just thought we were dealing with what’s considered normal at this point in our lives. No doubt we had our struggles and our differences, and I know I am not the easiest person to be married to (so, I do take responsibility for my contribution to our failed marriage), but, I truly thought we’d get through it…together. But, when one person losses hope, and sees divorce as the only option, I guess, it’s time to call it quits.
As completely heartbroken, devastated, angry, and sad as I’ve been over the past year, I somehow managed to put my feelings aside (well, for the most part) to focus only on the well being of my little ones. My ex-husband and I have also somehow managed to stay amicable (also for the most part) and we are trying our best to re-develop our friendship, for the sole benefit of our kids. I am bound and determined that our kids always feel constantly surrounded by love, a sense of stability and security. Their best interest, is my number one priority! Just because it didn’t work out with us, doesn’t mean that they should suffer. No doubt this new life of mine is going to be tough…harder in fact…but, I have to make the best of this less-than-ideal-situation the very best for my kids. So, I will make this new relationship work…for them!
Never in my wildest dreams, did I ever think my life could possibly end up this way for me. But then again, I guess no one enters into a marriage thinking it will end. Sadly, two people who have built a beautiful life together, can grow apart and want different paths. Sadly, that life you thought you were building together may not be on the same page. I guess there really are no guarantees in life. As devastating as this experience has been, I have to believe that some good will come from this. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, or anytime in the near future. But, at some point, I have to believe that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Until then, I will keep my face in the sunshine, no matter how cloudy the day may be.
Luckily, it’s not all doom and gloom over here. I really do have so much to be thankful for. My children bring me more joy than I’ve ever known. They alone are the absolute light of my life // my everything // my entire world. And to top it off, I am surrounded by the most incredible support system – which I’ve never doubted for a single second. My loving family and friends have lifted me up when I didn’t have the strength to stand on my own, have given me a shoulder to cry on went I felt completely alone, have hugged me and reach out to me just to say “thinking of you” when there were no other words for comfort, and have shown my children what love truly is. I don’t think I can ever adequately express my gratitude and love for them all. And, on top of that, my ex has been kind throughout this terrible process. So, it really couldn’t be much better, given the situation. And, for that I am so incredibly thankful.
So, here’s my new journey, and a new angle for my blog…as a (dare I say) single-protective-mama bear, raising two little darlings, in a nesting custody arrangement (more on that another time) with my ex-husband, while still trying to live a clean, stylish, lifestyle. Man, life is crazy! I oftentimes still can’t believe this is my life…it’s like an out-of-body-nightmare I’m living. But, I’ve got to make this right for my kids. Thank goodness, my ex and I are on the same page about putting our kids needs first! That right there is everything, as they deserve nothing but the very best, and I am bound and determine to continue giving them just that. All I can do is keep believing and living up to what everyone keeps telling me; “you’ve got this.” So, here I go. Onward and upward with my two towheads in tow. Let’s do this!
P.S. My wedding photographer, a girl in love photography, was completely amazing…and I love her and her photographs of our wedding! If you’re getting married in the Metro Detroit area, you really should do yourself a favor and talk to her!